Time flies...

It is amazing that Timothy was born two weeks ago today. So much has happened since that day, and we are settling into a new routine of nighttime feedings and all that you should come to expect with the addition of a newborn to your household. And yet, there is a richness of enjoying even the more trying parts of parenting a newborn-- given the previous week's experiences.

Funny, too often, it takes a trauma or a near miss to stop and count the blessings. I pray that today you will hug a friend's neck more closely, play a game with your child. Snuggle with your spouse. Sing more fervently in church.

Regardless what "mundane" tasks you may have today, I pray that you will enjoy even the challenges all the more. They are all a gift form God. Have a blessed day!

Be it ever so humble...

We are all finally home together. It has been a long week filled with tears and joy. Thank you again for the innumerable prayers that we lifted up. What an awesome legacy, Timothy already has!

It's Official!

We are heading home today! We'll jump thru' their hoops and then load up. God is so awesome!

Psalm 34:2,

²My soul makes its boast in the LORD;
let the humble hear and be glad.

Rejoice with us friends and family to declare the glory of God. May TImothy's story always be to God's glory.

Nearing the End...

Timothy should have his "supposed" last dose of antibiotics tonight. Tomorrow they will check his levels. If they are acceptable, as they have been improving since we started, they shall be coming home tomorrow. Life in the hospital zone is different, much like the twilight zone, you can expect one thing and things can change. But we are hopeful that tomorrow (Friday) will be the day we all get to come home. The last two days have been boring days... I must say I have come to appreciate boring days... I have had enough excitement to last me a year! So, since there isn't much new to report, I tho't I'd post a couple recent pics.

Perspectives, pt. 2 - Thurs, Morning

Monday evening, as I drove home for the first time, I realized that something had happened while I had spent those days in the hospital rooms. The much anticipated Vermont fall foliage change finally happened. The day I came home was the peak of the colors. I was overcome by the brilliance of the colors as they stood in contrast to the dull pastels I had experienced in the hospital. My perspective had changed. My world had been limited by what I was seeing, but the reality was the world around me was filled with a vibrant explosion of color.

One week ago, I was looking into the eyes of my newborn son for the first time. My eyes were filled with joy, and I had no idea of the testing that I was about to see. This morning, the Lord brought me to the second part of what He is teaching me about perspectives. Psalm 34:5-7 says,

5Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
⁶ This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
⁷ The angel of the LORD^(L) encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.

As I read this section, I noticed what is so instrumental in the life of the Christian. The walk of faith. David states that the those who exercise their faith, "look to Him..." are radiant. That is present tense, looking intently. They can look right now because of the times they had cried out in times past and the Lord "heard" them and they had been rescued. They realize that the Lord is encamped around them, because as I mentioned yesterday God's perspective doesn't change. He is always watching over us.

All too often, there is much misunderstanding about the walk of faith. Walking in faith is not believing something hard enough to make it happen. The walk of faith involves knowing God's faithfulness in the past and knowing His constant character of goodness, gives us confidence to cling to future hope in Him for the present trials. Sometimes this past week, I did great in remembering this, other times, I didn't fare so well. Fortunately, the body of Christ was around me when I was weakening and reminded me of God's faithfulness.

As we look down the path, we can see the finish line of this race in sight. I pray that I will remember that just because this race may come to an end, that I will not forget that this race is also training for the next one. Thank you for your faithfulness in praying.

Jumped the gun...

Jill has been discharged as of 7pm, but they are not quite done with Timothy. So, it still looks like Friday morning is what they are shooting for, which is still earlier than we tho't. Oh well, better safe than sorry.

Wednesday Afternoon Hopeful Update

Talked to Jill briefly while I was out running a couple errands for her, and now they are looking into possibly releasing both tonight! It is not certain, but that would be awesome! Either way, it has been a blessing to see them both together and Timothy snuggling with momma and knowing all will be home soon.

Thank you for the prayers and the comments on the blog. Our burden has been borne by many and thus lighter! Timothy's is truly turning out to be God's Glory.

Living with the Right Perspective, Wednesday Morning, 10/12/11

It is hard to believe that tomorrow my newborn son will be one week old. So much has transpired in that long week. Living with the real fear that I could lose my wife and new son. Being 2000 miles from family and friends. And yet here I am again, enjoying another quiet morning at home with the Father and a mug of good coffee. I find myself in the position of reflection.

Yesterday was an amazing day of rejoicing over good news as things are ramping up to the end. With fresh eyes, I looked again at my pool of refreshing in Psalm 34, and the words relating to "perspective" began to stand out for me. I will share the first thing I noticed now and the other a little later today, God's perspective. I think this is probably the most important aspect of perspective that decades of walking with the Lord has given me because when you face these times, everyone is tempted to think that God is not watching. But, verse 15 says otherwise,

"The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous

and his ears toward their cry."

I was reminded this morning, that though I was so far from what was familiar and safe feeling, I was never far from the Lord's watch care. The word for "toward" speaks of imminency. Right there... constantly watching. Although I admittedly feared the loss of my precious ones, I still clung to the fact that God's eyes never left me. None of this was a surprise to Him. He promised in Matthew 28 that He was never going to leave me nor forsake me, and that remains true in my life to this day, despite the struggles of recent days and yesteryear.

My God is faithful to be here with me at all times. Have I always felt His nearness? No. Mostly that was because I lost my perspective, but God never lost His. What an amazing promise to cling to in these times.

Jill and Timothy settled into their first full night together since this all began. They now share a non-ICU room. Tim doesn't leave momma's side except to get his does of antibiotics. Doctors say all should be home on Friday morning. Grandparents arrived last night safely to help with the girls.

All the prayers that have been lifted up are now taking tangible form, and again, I say thank you. I look forward to an awesome day.

Tuesday afternoon Report, 10/11/11

Wooo Hooo! (I'd yell Yee-haw, but it might scare the locals!)

Timothy is being discharged from the ICU, moving to regular nursery. He was taken off one of his antibiotics and should be done with the other Wednesday evening.

Jill is getting moved to the same floor and both may be together in the near future. She will be on hers for another 12-24 hours and then on oral meds. So, barring any surprises, both may be home before the week's end!

Ps. 34:1-2 says,

¹I will bless the LORD at all times;
his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
²My soul makes its boast in the LORD;
let the humble hear and be glad.

Where it all begins... Tuesday Morning, Oct. 11

What a joy it has been to sit in my familiar seat at home enjoying the Lord over a good cup of coffee this morning. I rose early as was my routine before this all began and have had some time to pause and consider, or Selah, as the Psalms would describe it. Thinking back, I reflected over all of the blessings of God's nearness in the midst of all that we have faced these past 4 1/2 days.

Coming into this, I know, because I see it in God's word and in mine and the lives of others, that God's nearness doesn't change. He was always there. His omnipresence is the deliverance that I have experienced. However, I find myself asking why is it that I was able to experience it when so many in crisis miss out on this blessing? Am I something special? Do I have an insight track on the presence of God because I am "a pastor?" I don't think so.

As I looked at Psalm 34 again this morning, I may have found my answer. David wrote this Psalm when his world was crashing around him. He had been anointed as King of Israel, but Saul had gone crazy and was trying to kill him. He escapes to Philistia and had to pretend to be nuts before this king that he had conquered not long before.

So, how did David experience this peace and omnipresence of the Lord? I think the answer is in the first part of the verse that the Lord first drew me to, verse 4,

I sought the LORD, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.

David sought the LORD. That required the mindset that he couldn't face his trial alone. In a time when human achievement and self-reliance are idolized, if we rely only on our own strength we will never experience it. I had to face my own inadequacy. My circumstances were WAY beyond my control. I have to begin there. I have to begin with the knowledge that "YOU are God and I AM NOT."

The second thing is that you have to be satisfied with the presence of God. Yes, I wanted relief and to know that my wife and new son would be ok. But as I drove to Burlington the first time following the ambulance, I prayed and gave my son back to the Lord. I prayed, "Lord you know my heart and how deeply I wanted a son, but I want you more. I will submit to Your will." I can tell you as I cried out to God, that was the hardest prayer to pray. But God has heard and answered my prayer and delivered me from my fears.

All of my kids and my wife and everything I have belongs to God and they are on loan me. As Corrie Ten Boom said, we must hold loosely to the things in our life so that when God asks for them He doesn't have to pry our fingers open. Thank you Lord for Your faithfulness... even when I am not.

I spoke with Jill last night and she got to actually nurse Timothy. That was such a special time for her. Thank you again for your prayers. We look forward to the amazing things that God will do again today. Keep praying the journey is not over. Seek the Lord with me today.

Almost there...

Today was a day filled with good news and hope. As I write this, I am sitting on my own sofa. I have a night of respite with the girls to get them back on routine. We have been so blessed with friends Bob and Tricia that have been hands and feet of Christ to us by caring for, feeding, bathing, and yes, spoiling our girls. Nevertheless, they were so glad to be back in their own home with Daddy. Please pray that everyone gets some good rest tonight.

Timothy has made leaps and bounds. He is now eating enough to get off the IV, and they down graded him to a plain old hospital baby bed. Meaning, if he does well on this regiment, he is getting a new home... the regular nursery! We are praying that Jill continues getting her strength back that they will move her to the maternity floor and they can be together!

Grandparents arrive tomorrow evening, and we can begin to get ready for Timothy to come home hopefully in a week. Pray for their safe travel.

Tonight I close with Psalm 34:3,

"³Oh, magnify the LORD with me,

and let us exalt his name together!"

'Nuff said!

Tearful Reunions

After a long bitter afternoon of getting transferred to Burlington, the day definitely had a sweet ending. After 3 days of separation, momma and child were reunited. They are now only a floor apart and they will be setup for regular visits.

Here is my verse for today,

Ps. 34:^{10 "}The young lions suffer want and hunger;

but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing."

The first time I read this days ago, I wondered what the Lord would have for me in this to teach me. Well, I think this morning I learned. As I type this, I am sitting with my morning coffee and Word feast and I am overhearing conversation from a couple other Ronald McD house residents. Everyone one that stays here have equally horrible scenarios going on with loved ones. As I listened (it was hard not to, as they were quite loud) what I noticed was what I heard in their voice: anger, bitterness, despair... These are just some of the emotional responses that come from facing tragedy. I know because I have been there, and frankly, as I have faced this weekend, I have very much been tempted to go down the path of these "young lions." (although they were actually older young lionesses)

But I am reminded, as I sought the Lord's face, that He is the source of hope and strength for me. As a result, I have lacked no good thing. Please do not think I am all that and a bag of chips, because I have seen and been to the scary places that even Christians can go to when they take their eyes off the Lord and on to the circumstances. That is my flesh. So, I must choose to seek the Lord in the midst of trials.

Through years of very hard tests, I have found that when I seek Him, He is faithful and is there with me, even when the trial is not taken away nor lessened. It is His faithfulness in the past that reminds me that He will be faithful in this one, even when the end is not in sight. Those hard times in the past are mile markers for the new ones we come upon.

The height of the deliverance this passage talks about is different than just God making the bad things go away. It is found in the nearness of God in Christ as I face these hard times. I cannot imagine being in the shoes of those "old-young lions" facing what I am without Christ.

As of last night, Timothy continues to improve. I look forward to seeing him moved out of ICU in the near future. Jill was worn out from a rough afternoon, but initial tests have shown no serious growths of this infections. Continue to pray that God heals her body of this nasty germ. It can really wreak havoc and cause damage, but so far, the antibiotics seem to be holding it at bay. We will know more later. I am going to try to get the girls up here to see momma and brother this afternoon. Pray that this will happen, I know it will be good for all of us.

Thank you for your prayers.

Sunday Evening Report,

Just checking in.

Timothy continues to improve. The powers that be say that if he keeps eating like he has they will take him off IV fluids. When they do that, if he continues to maintain the right levels, they will move him to the regular nursery. He already got an upgrade on his accommodations to what I would liken to a hamster cage. It looks weird, but they said they move babies that are not as critical to those to help maintain his temperature. He will still be on the antibiotics for the 10 days anticipated and have to be here, but there is marked improvements. Your prayers are so appreciated.

Jill arrived here in Burlington early this afternoon. Unfortunately, she was dehydrated and they needed blood and a new IV. That was not a pleasant experience for her at all. Finally got what they needed, but only after much chagrin. They are doing a CT scan on her leg to try to isolate where the strep infection is. Hopefully they will get her in a room soon. An editorial aside, I never have and still do not like Emergency Room environments. I realize they are going in multiple directions and deal with all sorts, but it seems they seems to house the most stressed and least nurturing of folks. This place seem to hold suit. I am so glad Timothy's crew have been 5-star! So, I guess focus prayers on Jill's care that they can nail this thing down.

I made the decision to stay one more night. (Thanks again to Bob and Trish) Grandparent reinforcements should arrive Tuesday evening. That is about it.

Have I thanked you for the prayers lately?

Bittersweet Morning... Sunday, 10/9/11 11am.

Ps. 34:8 "Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

This is the verse I was drawn to this morning. Not having any news yet form the overnight hours on either Jill or Timothy. I slept very well last night. (as did Jill) thanks for those prayers. My head is clearer, as much as possible with my brain!

So, why was drawn to this verse? It stands in stark difference to where I was, emotionally, last night. Verse 18 says, "The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." I was feeling crushed last night. But, one thing I have learned is that when I am exhausted and lonely, the enemy begins to show me all the bad and overwhelm me with lies of "what if..."

However, after having gotten some rest, God began to remind me to remember that although things are not perfect, I have the goodness of God to enjoy. Yes, my wife and newborn son are in the hospital fighting infection. But, I am blessed because we have good hospitals that can treat them... the best in Vermont. Yes, I am separated from family, but we have been surrounded by folks that have loved us in tangible ways and I know that my girls are in good hands.

The context of this verse speaks of hard times, and yet David says to taste to see that God is good. When everything in me longs to plunge in and feast on God's goodness, knowing that like a kid waiting to sample cookies, he is able to stick his finger in the batter knowing that the goodness he longs for is around the corner. The truth is that my circumstances doesn't change God's goodness!

Ok, enough preaching. Here is the sweet report for this morning...

Timothy is doing so much better. I arrived and he was on his tummy with the hiccups. He had eaten (which is a good sign). He was holding his head up and rooting around like he was hungry for more. So, I got to hold and feed him. He was alert and looking around and he and daddy had a good time together, and he even burped good for daddy. Doctors are encouraged that he is responding well. Maybe in the next day or so they might move him out of ICU. Keep praying!

Jill, feels good, but cultures came back that she has some kind of Strep A, and they are going to need to do more tests. Therefore, they are moving her here to Burlington right now for tests and more antibiotics. She will be able, as far as we know, to see Timothy and feed him etc. which will be such a shot in the arm for her spirits. This is a bitter inconvenience not being released yet, but sweet that they will both be in the same place and we can get them together. I am encouraged with this. Her dr. said this is more of a precautionary move, although there could be some serious things going on. We will cross that bridge when we get to it. I am looking forward to seeing her again. Thank you for your continued prayers.

I will update more as we go along. Tasting God's goodness...

Saturday, 10/8/11 8:40pm

Apparently Timothy's future is so bright is he's gotta have shades! Actually, he does have shades on right now, and his future is bright because he is showing a little jaundice, which is normal, so they have him under some special bright light therapy. Unfortunately, since he just started, when I went back up there after dinner, I wasn't able to hold him. His various chemical levels and vitals remain good or improving. As the blood cultures we have been waiting on, they tell me no news is good news. I still prefer some news. We'll see tomorrow.

Jill is still in CVMC. Her blood tests showed she has some kind of infection as well. (Likely linked to Timothy's.) She is being treated with antibiotics still. Hopefully we'll know more tonight.

Missing my girls (all three) so, I am thinking I will go home tomorrow and try to get them back into a routine. They enjoy the spoiling, but things are wearing thin on everyone. I think we will all rest better.

Pray that we will all be able to maintain the truth in Ps. 34, vs. 1,

"¹I will bless the LORD^(C) at all times;

his praise shall continually be in my mouth.

It is always easy to praise God when things are going smoothly, but the true test of our faith is when fire burns hot. Lord, may your praise ALWAYS be in my mouth.

Pray for our weary bodies and minds. Goodnight.

Afternoon Update...

Not much new to report. He is comfortable and still stable. Vitals are doing well and some are improving. Got this shot of him snoozing in his bed. I just changed him, and he was quite unhappy about that. Got word that Selah has developed a rash, so she can't see momma for a day or so. She wasn't too happy about that. She is in good hands. Have I said lately that my church family is awesome?

The beginning of a journey...

Saturday, Oct. 8-

As most of you know by now we were blessed to introduce Timothy James to the world by God's grace. His name means one who honors God. So, it is my desire to share Timothy's story for the glory of God. We thank you all for the prayer that have gone up already. This morning as I woke and wearily got ready I decided to create this blog as a place that anyone can go to to get an update of what is going on, and also a place to chronicle our own tho'ts and feelings.

Timothy as of last night was on heavy antibiotics and will likely be there for at least 10 days. They still do not know what they are fighting, but hopefully will know today or tomorrow when they get results back.

This morning the Lord directed me to Psalm 34, and I think I will be camped there for a while. This morning I am clinging to verse 4,

"I sought the LORD, and he answered me

and delivered me from all my fears."

If you have been thru' anything like this, you know that fears abound. We are no super saints, so we struggle with fear of the unknown. We trust God to do what is His will. He knows our desire is that my little, big man get better completely and quickly. But with the fatigue the enemy and my emotions are running rampant. So, today this is my prayer. I ask that you join in praying this for our family.

It looks like Jill will be in the hospital for another day, as she got some more fever over night. So, I will be holding down the fort for the time being. We have been so blessed by folks in our spiritual family that have come along side us. Praise God for them. Our girls are WELL taken care of.

I will try to post something everyday.