I don't like you very much...

Today you turn 11.  This year began a new chapter in our lives as I left teaching public school and I returned to ministry.  This past year has been difficult for you and I.   While we finally left a season of life that I haven't been there for you like I wanted.  Painful ministry experiences, school, COVID, teaching, etc. took me away.  Some of it could have been done differently, much of it was beyond our control.  As a result, we've butted heads a lot in recent months.  Things came to a head, and it was time to talk.  As we talked at length a couple weeks ago on the trampoline, I had to share with you that I don't like you very much right now.

You have experienced much disappointment and developed some unreasonable expectations of me.  Without the regular guiding presence, you have established some poor habits and attitudes.  As a result, I have been more critical and frustrated with you, and I am sure, you haven't liked me much either.  There's been a lot of discipline lately.  But as I told you that evening, that doesn't change the fact that I will never stop loving you.  But "love" is different from "like."  Enjoying the presence (liking) of someone we love will be affected by circumstances and we withdraw from them, but when you love someone, you are committed to stick it out through the hard times.  

BUT... It hasn't been all bad!  There have been fishing trips, water park getaways with just you and I, soccer games, playing catch in the backyard, tickles, wrestles and snuggles on the couch watching movies.  Even better, after years of teaching and guiding toward Christ, you trusted Christ to be your Savior and I got to baptize you this year.  Now the discipleship begins!  With it will come more training aka discipline.  Discipline is hard sometimes and it is often unpleasant.  Those times you may not like me, and I may not like you.  Discipline chips away at the parts of our character to shape us into the image of Christ.

"9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." - Heb. 12:9–11.

I love you and I am SO PROUD OF YOU!  Happy Birthday!

Dealing with Disappointment

Ten… You are ten… one decade… so much has changed in ten years.  What happened to nine! One thing you might have noticed is that I did not write a post for #9.  Year number nine was a hard year for everyone, but definitely for our family.  Year nine was a year of major transition.  We moved to Abilene, we bought our first house, I started teaching, then suddenly had to change school campuses.  I was thrust into working with kids at a disciplinary school, all the while learning how to be a teacher during a world-wide pandemic.  It was not what we had expected or planned.  But we survived.  

 

Here we are in year 10 and you are growing up fast.  You are no longer a little boy.  You are a big boy soon to be a young man.  By this time in your life, you have known quite a few disappointments.  Disappointments come when we have plans in our minds that don’t come through.  Sometimes we have good intentions, sometimes our intentions are simply self-serving.  Regardless, what we have planned doesn’t always work out as we want.  I think therein lies the problem.  God may have other plans that take us in a different direction.  Because you are my son, I know that when things don’t work out, you get upset.  Some things don’t work out because you planned foolishly.  Some times, things don’t work out because others failed to follow through with what they committed to.  But most times, things do go as we plan because God has other plans.  God’s way are always better and higher than our ways. (cf. Is. 55:8).

 

Remember this, people will disappoint you… even the ones you love the most will disappoint you.  But, you too will disappoint others.  Lean into Christ.  He is the One that will never disappoint you.  

 

“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” - Proverbs 16:9

 

Tim, use your time wisely.  Make good decisions with your time and money.  Live within your means so you can give the most important ones in your life the best of your time.  Make good Bible guided plans.  But more importantly, stay tuned to what God desires for you.  They may not always line up with your plan, but they’ll always take you down the path that will build you up and glorify God.  I have cried so many tears wishing I was a better daddy, wishing I could have been there more for you.  My plans seldom worked out perfectly, but I know that God's plans will work out perfectly.  If you let Him guide you, you will NEVER be disappointed. 

 

I don’t say it enough.  I am proud of what I see you growing in to and I love you so much.  Happy 10th Birthday.

Proud Moments vs. Pride Moments

We got the call that we needed to go to the pep-rally this week.  You would be honored in front of the whole school as the "Buffalo of the Month." Out of all the Cross Plains Elementary school, you stood out as a student because of your hard work and courteous behavior toward teachers and other students.  As a new student, you stuck out.  

As you grow and develop, you will begin to excel in specific ways.  Maybe your "thing" will be academics.  Maybe you will shine as an athlete or maybe as a musician.  Only time will tell. Regardless, I believe God will gift you, but not so that you may receive glory for your accomplishments; rather, so you may deflect glory to Him.  Make no mistake, as followers of Christ, we are called to stick out but for different reasons.  I was so proud of you because you are putting into practice the areas of character that we have imparted to you.  But I also must be careful to think that while we've work long and hard to raise you well,  it is the grace of God that allows it to take hold.  We cannot really take credit for what God does in and through you.  

As you advance and work hard, be careful not to love the lime light when you achieve great things.  It can be a dangerous thing.  Fame and glory for self-gratification comes at a high cost, just watch those who attain it.  Do what you do and do it with excellence.  But do not do it to receive a pat on the back from others, rather excel so that GOD looks good.  In a world that fight and claws its way to the top, you will be tempted to love the praise of men.  When you are, remember this little proverb, "the higher a baboon climbs, the more he shows his rump!"  Work hard, excel, achieve.  But do so to please only one... His opinion is the one that matters. I love you and am proud of you!

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." - Gal. 1:10

Me and My Shadow

Well, you've hit mile marker 7 today.  We've tried bricks and other heavy objects and even tying you to the ground with rope and a few stakes, but you have refused... you kept on growing!  You've learned so much this year: how to ride a bike without training wheels; how to grow a garden together; to love reading and many other things.  It's been an amazing year, and I am so proud of you!

There's one thing I have noticed about you this year; you've really become my shadow.  There's a really old song called "Me and My Shadow," that describes a guy's strange relationship with his shadow.  He's all alone in life except for his shadow.  He describes how his shadow goes everywhere with him and does everything with him.  Everywhere I go, you want to go.  Everything I do, you want to do.  Like this photo, you are acting silly like your daddy.  If I mess with your sisters, you want to do it too.  At the end of the worship service, when I go to the back of the auditorium to say goodbye to folks, you're right there with me.  Perhaps if God lets you be a daddy, you'll get to know how much all that means to me.

I haven't always done things right, in fact, I've made quite a few big mistakes.  As you have shadowed me so much this year, I realized one of all parents greatest fears is that you would make some of the same tragic choices I've made.  But my prayer is that you would shadow me as I shadow my heavenly Father.  To go where He wants you to go, to do what He wants you to do.  To love being with the heavenly Father much more than being with me, your earthly Father.

One day, I know you will become you're own man.  Hopefully, you will have a little shadow of your own, and hopefully you will carry on the good stuff I modeled for you and not the bad stuff: a love for the Word of God, a love for your wife, and a love for serving others.  You may not become a pastor, and that's ok.  God has made you for His purposes.  Search it out and discover what that is and shadow the heavenly Father and you will do fine.  I love you Buddy.  Happy 7th Birthday!

"So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise." - John 5:19

Assets

My the the years have flown by.  Today, you've turned 6 years old, and I am just as proud and filled with joy for you today as I ever have been.  My son, you have been such a blessing to me.

As you know, as a vocation, for the bulk of my life, I have chosen to work as a servant to a local church, and thus far, it has been in small churches.  As a result, I have earned a modest wage to support my family.  We are not poor, but we have done without many things.  You've had toys to play with, clothes to wear, comfortable beds to sleep in, and like this photo shows, we've gotten to do a few neat things like play soccer, take trips to visit friends and make memories as a family.

I guess, by the world's standards, I am a failure because I know when my life ends, I will not have many tangible assets to leave with you and your sisters.  Our wills and portfolios will not be filled with things that you and your siblings will fight over.

However, I want to point out a couple assets that your mother and I have worked very hard to provide you that can never be locked in a bank vault or measured by the Dow-Jones Industrial average.  Things like your name; a work ethic that is others-focused; a foundation in God's word and the Gospel on which to build a relationship with God; memories of times together as a family.  These are the assets that I pray one day will yield dividends that will be reinvested in your own children and grandchildren, should God bless you in that way.  I cannot make you follow Jesus, but I pray that in our examples, both the good and bad ones, you will know the richness that comes from walking with your heavenly Father.  That when God calls you to Himself, you will respond appropriately and follow Jesus with all your heart, soul mind and strength in ways that far surpass your earthly father.

One of the many assets, however, that God has endowed you with is shown here in this photo... your two older sisters.  You annoy one another often.  Occasionally, you say hurtful and cruel things to one another; and yet, you need to know that your sisters love you deeply.  They play such an integral part of your life.  I have been so proud to watch them give of themselves because of that deep love.  God-willing, they will be there for you long after your mother and I are gone.  Don't forget to thank God regularly for your sisters.  They are one of your best assets.  Love them and take care of one another.

"But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." - 1 Timothy 5:8

Happy Birthday little Buddy!

You hurt my feelings yesterday...

It wasn't permanent.  You'd soon be five and you really didn't understand how or why you did it, but it still stung.  Your mother was having a friend over for lunch yesterday, and I wanted to bless you both by giving her some needed uninterrupted mommy time and getting alone with you.  So, I made time in my schedule to take you to lunch while I was running an errand.  I was just going to stop by Lowe's to pick something up, and when I announced my intentions, you withdrew from me and wanted to stay home with your mommy.  You thought we were going grocery shopping, which you hate.  You just misunderstood me.

My schedule is always full, but I try to be intentional about spending alone time with each of you.  When we do, there is seldom pomp and circumstance, nothing fancy, no weekend trips in the mountains to hunt and fish.  It's usually ordinary and mundane.  Not every time we get together there has to be something significant to do, sometimes it's the simple things.  "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."  That's what Deuteronomy 6:7 says.  I was walking "by the way" and had an opportunity to spend some one-on-one time with my son over a bean burrito... your favorite!  But you didn't want to come, and it hurt my feelings.

I have learned that sometimes your children will hurt you.  It is inevitable.  The same way that I know it is inevitable that I will hurt my kids.  This has not been our first go round in wounding each other.  Did I cancel your birthday celebration?  Did I ground you to your room for a week?  No.  When I got home, I put your birthday present together.  That is called "grace," getting what you did not earn.  You wounded me and I loved you in return.  While I do not alway model it in perfectly, I want you to know of God's grace that he demonstrated to each of us by demonstrating it to you.  Today, is your fifth birthday, and you are getting a basketball hoop!  It's something you have wanted for a while, and today you will get it.  I look forward to many hours as a family playing together.

Timothy, I pray for you regularly that you would one day understand that, even though we often misunderstand God's plans for us and wound Him with our sinful attitude and heart, He still longs to lavish His love on us and spend time one-on-one with us.  I pray that you will know and Jesus had to died a cruel death on a cross to make that possible.  I pray that one day soon, you will receive the free gift God has for you.  I believe when He saved you five years ago, he set you apart for something special... for His Glory.  Until that day, I forgive you son.  I love you.  Happy Birthday.

A Blessing from the Lord

This time about four years ago, I was pastoring in a small church in the mission field of Vermont.  We had been preparing to welcome our 3^rd child into our family and into the world.  As is the custom, we had received a series of gifts and cards congratulating us on our new addition.  One such card came from a friend and local pastor.  The outside of the card in all of its piety declared, “Children are a blessing from the Lord…” (cf. Psalm 127:3)

 

How appropriate an exhortation from a brother in Christ!  Only, when I opened that card the inside caption continued “…remember that at 3am!”  Since Tim would be our third, I knew full well what that meant… or at least I thought I did!

As most of you know, (if not, you can read in the previous posts of this now annual blog) shortly after receiving that card, we made a late night trip to the hospital that would begin one of the most challenging weeks of my life. 

Today, Timothy is four, happy and healthy.  Because he is a boy, he is ever so different from his older sisters.  He is head-strong, physical and active.  As such, he has tested our patience exponentially more and his character is much more resistant to guidance.  In those moments, I forget the years before when we almost lost him and his momma.  We forget that he is still a blessing from the Lord.  Instead, I long for the blessing of obedience and compliance and a more frequent lower volume.  I see that God has wired him for leadership, but first he must learn to follow and frankly he doesn’t want to follow.  He wants to be in charge.

Timothy, my prayers for you this year is that you would have a daddy that will be constantly reminded that in the midst of the of the frustrating battle of wills, I will remember that God blessed us with you, and that I will be a blessing to you.  Thank you Father for yet another year with my son.

"give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." - 1 Thes. 5:18 (ESV)